This memoir chronicles the author Meg Tipper’s journey in the land of grief for the first year after the sudden death of her 22 year old daughter Maggie. In June, 2008, Maggie Feiss graduated from the University of Southern California’s School of Policy Planning and Development. Five months later, one day before she was to begin her job with the Living Classrooms Foundation in Baltimore, Maggie died of complications from epilepsy. Suddenly Meg was mourning Maggie’s death instead of watching her daughter launch into her life.
These starkly honest observations weave inspiring and amusing details of Maggie’s life with universal feelings of grief. Through the daily entries and occasional photographs, other stories of Meg’s life unfold as well: long-term recovery in a twelve step program, the first year of retirement and frequent traveling, a revival of her appreciation of her own mother, the aftermath of Meg’s divorce, a move, and the cementing of a new romance. While sudden death puts Meg on the edge of a terrifying emptiness, she finds in that space deeper spiritual and personal connections, a richer experience of life.
As you share one woman’s close observations of grieving her loss, you will recognize some of your own feelings, you will think about your own spiritual questions, you will become more comfortable living with loss.
You can read the book like a story.
You can use the book as a daily meditation or self-help manual.
Each entry stands on its own. An index enables you to locate entries that have something to do with what you are experiencing.
"We are always saying goodbye in this world–always standing on the edge of loss attempting to retrieve some memory, some human meaning, from the silence— something which is precious and gone."
—Adlai Stevenson,
in his 1962 eulogy
for Eleanor Roosevelt
"Standing at the Edge fiercely and lovingly tells a story of death, grief and love. Any mother, any daughter and every woman in recovery will be moved and changed by this book."
—Diane Cameron, syndicated columnist & author of Out of the Woods at Blogspot.com
"An unflinching look inside the SUDEP experience. Both interesting and helpful to neurologists who care for these families and those who are grieving."
—Eric H. W. Kossoff, M.D., Associate Professor, Neurology and Pediatrics, Johns Hopkins Hospital
"This deeply personal and honest account of a mother’s journey through grief is simultaneously unique and universal. It is one woman’s story of traversing the waters of grief, attempting to make sense of her loss, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, and yet it is a story we all share of the profundity of love and the heartbreak of loss which binds us together in our deepest humanity."
—Yeshe Richman Clarke, MSW, LGSW
Bereavement Counselor, Contemplative Psychotherapist and co-founder of The Presence Project: www.presenceproject.net
"Standing at the Edge, a meditation in grief, reminds us of the utter centrality of honesty and gratitude, and introduces us to a woman who embodies them both. From intimate moments in which we delight in seeing her daughter Maggie, to the enlightened articulation of courageous faith, Meg Tipper gently draws us through her daily acts of devotional survival to a memoir of intellect and light."
—Nancy Jay Crumbine, Ph.D., Unitarian Universalist minister, professor at Dartmouth College, and author of the book, Humility, Anger, and Grace: Meditations Towards a Life that Matters at northboundbooks.com
Almost immediately after Maggie died, I began writing.
It was my way to keep from falling over the edge.
I’ve kept a journal off and on all my life (so did Maggie). And after her death, I still had my hand-written journal in which I spewed all my emotional upheaval. But along side that, I began writing on the computer, every day, something I called "snippets." I was trying to capture, as truly as possible, the daily journey of grieving this sudden and enormous loss.
The Process
I quickly realized that by becoming a faithful observer of the process, I was better able to honor it. I grew less afraid of the feelings; I owed them my careful attention. I can’t say that I went so far as to invite them, but I was less inclined to fight them or run from them.
Then, perhaps two or three months into the process, I realized that the snippets weren’t just for me, they were for an audience. With the possibility that my words might help others came a greater sense of purpose and even excitement in watching the twists and turns of grieving. A teacher, by nature and life-long profession, perhaps I needed such a "calling" in my first year of retirement, which was also my first nine months of grieving.
Did I honestly write every day?
No. There were times when I could not write, sometimes logistically, but more often emotionally stymied. But I did create a title every day. That was how I remembered things; I would observe and make note of what was happening and then I would think of and write down a title. That would be enough until I could get to the computer with the time and energy to write.
Was writing hard?
I did very little editing, nor did I often reread what I had written. It was hard enough just taking the days as they came. The work to prepare the book for publication: revising, editing, proofreading, choosing photos, design editing, these have been the most difficult stages of the process. They have sent me intensely back into the loss of Maggie over and over again.
To publish?
I have wanted to get my writing published ever since I was a little girl. My first publication was a little personal story I wrote for Calling All Girls magazine and they paid me for it. Oh my God, I could get paid for doing what I loved to do!
However, I learned the harsh realities of trying to make money from publishing as I ran full speed after that dream and, more often than not, slammed into a brick wall and crumpled. Or, even more tantalizing, and ultimately more devastating, was dangled on a line as I rewrote from a different point of view or changed the focus or chopped out half the length or added another interview only to have the piece finally rejected or perhaps published, but almost beyond recognition. It was an ugly game, one I concluded I did not want anything to do with in connection with this book. I thought I would publish it myself.
Jennifer Minich is from Potomac, Maryland. She graduated in June 2010 from Loyola University, in Baltimore, Maryland with a BA in Communication, specializing in Media Design, and a minor in Studio Arts. Jen is interested in pursuing graphic design and animation. When she is not designing on the computer, she loves painting, drawing, and baking/decorating cakes.
Apprentice House
Enter my friend Lucy Hoopes who said that before I tackled that steep learning curve and labor intensive process, perhaps I should check out Apprentice House, the publishing house of Loyola University in Baltimore, which involves students in working with authors in the process of creating and marketing books—I could have my cake and eat it too.
Apprentice House, in the form of Kevin Atticks and Jennifer Minnich, was all that I could have hoped for: Kevin gently guided with his kind, smart, competent and thoroughly professional touch and Jen, a graphics design major, worked tirelessly to create a beautiful and sensitive book through the second semester of her senior year and even worked on it during pre-graduation week at the beach!
I felt like Maggie had her hands all over this book: from the ways in which the writing helped me, to the sweet connections which occurred while getting photo permissions, to the joy I found in getting to know and working with Jen, and, hopefully, to the ways in which it will continue to ripple her positive influence in the world.
Copyright ©2011, Meg Tipper. All Rights Reserved.
